Crazy Ideas
by Peridot Mist
Summary: *UPDATED SUNDAY, Oct.20* Hey, all! This is my second story, and is ridiculous! But I think it is funny. So enjoy! Rated PG for slight Monty Python-ish humor.
1. Okay, 1,2,3 blah blah 1,498,000, 1,498,...

Fellowship characters mine, plot and 407,000,000 random others are mine. Ha.  
  
Why the Fellowship was Nine  
  
-So they'd be the same number as the RingWraiths  
-Because Elrond said so  
-Because no one else wanted to go  
-Ever seen the conflicts that arise from the many people on Survivor?  
  
~This is what would happen if there were 407,000,009 people/elves/hobbits/dwarves/wizards etc. in the Fellowship~  
  
-Part in the book where the evil wolf-things attacked them, about 20 killed. Total: 406,999,989  
  
-Part in the movie where it shows the Fellowship walking all important-like, four men roll down the hill and die. Total: 406,999,985  
  
-Re-shooting same part, too many people to shoot, so Peter Jackson runs some through with Boromir's sword, fires 351 others for dramatic effect. One more falls down the hill. Total: 406,999,630  
  
-Peter Jackson catches cold, 625 others catch cold. Because they couldn't come to work, they were fired. Total:406,999,005  
  
-At the Pass of Caradhras, 400 people freeze to death, 120 more fall through the snow and off the cliff, and two more are blown off. Saruman's voice lulls one into walking straight off the edge. Total: 406,998,482  
  
-At the doors of Moria, when the doors open, four are knocked unconcious, 578 are eaten by the giant squid thingy. Frodo escapes unhindered because the others are distracting it. Total:406,997,900 


	2. Does this really need explaining?

Alright, the first chapter was a tester, here continues...sorry so short, but more 2 come, and I can't think of anything but I figured you deserve something...I also apologize if the numbers are a bit off, I had to backtrack a little...  
  
Disclaimer: Only the unnamed poor souls, approx. 406,997,891, are mine. The nine original Fellowship members belong to Tolkien.  
  
~Forgot to mention: When they're hiding from the evil crow thingys, one person impodes himself upon some thorn or another in the neck or head, I forget which. Also 72 people are carried off by the Crebian thingamagigs.Total:406,997,827~  
  
In the darkness of Moria, (A/N: this is too much) two can't see very well in the dark, wander off and are killed by goblins. Twenty got lost when the Fellowship stopped at the three doorways. No one knows what happened to them. When the troll comes in, about 700 are eaten. The troll explodes from eating too much. Total: 406,997,105 Fellowship members and one troll  
  
When the stairs crumble, 257 fall off. 63 more are shot with the goblin/orc arrows and misc. other weapons. At the bridge of Khazad-Dum, 4,502 fall off (it's a thin bridge, you know). The Balrog's flames singe 24 near by, knocks off 890 others. When Gandalf falls, he ~dies~, but he doesn't count. I won't spoil it (if I already haven't) for those of you who haven't read the books. Now go read them. Total: 406,991,369  
  
On the way out, 85 people just can't take the pressure and jump off. The whole crowd of people prevents Frodo from seeing what happened, so he doesn't know about Gandalf yet. Poor little hobbit. 7 elves who knew some dead person well die of a broken heart. Peter Jackson fires some crewperson for being an idiot, letting the cast die, and not bringing the right flavored donuts. Geez, if he keeps this up, it'll only be himself, a camera, and Nine Fellowship members! Shame on that, could you imagine only 9 heroes? It would be easier to keep track of, though. Anyway, 94 men and one pathetic dwarf die of fright upon entering Lothlorien. 80 die from moving too much and either impoding themselves on arrows or being shot purposely by them. Total:406,991,102  
  
One spying hobbit, on seeing Galadriel in her freaky "In place of a dark lord you shall have a queen, blah blah blah" mode, dies of fright. The forest is too small and 1,140 people decide to go find someplace else to sleep. Various things happen to them...like do the words orcs, waterfalls, orcs, trolls, orcs, goblins, ringwraiths and orcs mean anything to you?  
Total:406,989,961  
  
The elves of Lorien don't have enough boats, so 4,809,024 have to swim. Unfortunately, only eight took swimming classes. No one notices the others drowning. Total: 402,180,945  
  
180,945 people are not paying attention, and they all fall off the waterfall. So sad. Head count! Wait...I can't count that high. Because there are too many people, of course Boromir slips away unnoticed, but is unable to find Frodo. And again, because of the crowd of people, no one notices six fangirls slipping in. Boromir gets killed by the orcs long before the rest of the Fellowship even smells the foulness. The ending of this ends kinda like the movie...Merry & Pippin's fangirls hoist them over their shoulders and make the grand escape to their honeymoon through the forest. Frodo and Sam leave in the boats to get away from the fangirls, who unfortunately for them know how to swim. Legolas and Aragorn run off to "hunt some orc", but are really running away from the rabid fangirl shrieks. Gimli has no fangirl, probably because he's stingy, mean, smelly, short, and otherwise unimportant, but he decides it would be fun the listen to Strider shriek like a girl, so he follows. And the remaining 401,999,992 people who are not given names are killed off by the orcs, who think that somewhere amonst them are four halflings. Silly orcs. Go see a dentist, and a doctor, and a dermatologist, and a phyciatrist, and a person who knows how to spell phyciatrist, and... Total: 7 Fellowship members and 6 rabid fangirls. I end up rendering Legolas' fangirl unconcious so I can chase after him, and I'm followed by three of my friends and my best buddy, because we all have a crush on Legolas. Just great.  
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So, how was it? In case you are wondering, of course I will continue. And, because this is my story and I'm the almighty author, of course I get Legolas. AND he loves me back. *sticks tongue out at three other friends, and gives sincere *cough* apology to my best buddy, ELML, BBBITWWW, Perieri, Rayne Maker!* Romans! WHAT?! Something! WHAT?! 19-6! Or something like that. Holla, holla, holla back sista! Sorry, cha, little inside joke. PS: The following belong to me because I made them up: the sayings "cha"(duh), "ELML", and "BBBITWWW", also "Perieri" and "Holla, holla, holla back sista!". The only person authorized to use these, besides me, is Rayne Maker. Love to all! 


	3. The Fellowship in the Fourth Grade

The Fellowship of the Ring in the Fourth Grade  
  
Disclaimer: I own only the plot and the teacher, Ms. Whatamidoinghere.  
A/N: I love all the reviews! I just put this on a few days ago! I guess you like it then? Then more power to you and more to come!  
  
The bell rang, and the students ran for their desks before the teacher, Ms. Whatamidoinghere, could walk in and pierce them all with her fake glare. "Oh, drat!" whispered Strider. "Hey, nerd, I forgot my homework. Gimmie yours so I can copy it." Boromir scoffed, "And what would a Ranger care of Math assignments?" Legolas swiftly stood from his seat and said, "This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your homework." Boromir looks in disbelief at Aragorn. "This is Isildur's heir?" Legolas finished, "And son of the football coach." At that moment the teacher entered. "Sit down, Legolas. Now, today is the day of the test. You all need a #2 pencil." Legolas asked Gimli (nicely) if he could borrow a pencil, and the dwarf spat, "I will be dead before I see my pencil in the hands of an elf!" All the elves in the room stood to protest. Galadriel tossed her hair over her should and said, "You boys are, like, sooooooo stupid!" Elrond stood and calmy said, "All races must share this one doom, this multiplying qiuz. You will unite or you will fail the tests. The teacher, annoyed, eventually announces recess.  
Two elderly looking boys are shooting spells at each other with wooden staffs their fathers made. Saruman shouts from atop a high metal tower, "We cannot face their power, Gandalf. We must join the Chess Club." "Tell me, 'friend'. When did Saruman the wise abandon reason from Dorkiness?" A lightening bolt came blazing from the sky at Gandalf, but it also shocked some weird kid from Bree.  
Across the playground was Arwen on the jungle gym, holding a $5 bill out of reach of a group of nine 5th graders in long black robes. From somewhere in the darkness of the hood came a rasping voice, "Give up the lunch money, she-elf!" "IF you want it, come and claim it!" The Nazgul lifted their robes to reveal black Sketchers and began to climb, but a gust of wind of the magic of Arwen's people blew them off. It just so happened that recess was over.  
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So, how was it? Yeah, I know Elrond is Arwen's father & they shouldn't be in the same grade, but I couldn't resist putting that part in. What do you think? Should the class continue or should the school be shut down? Review if you want more! 


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